aryas_zehral: Close crop of Chiana's mouth, slightly open as if worried/breathless (teen wolf: lydia scared trapped)
I did something possibly unwise. I looked up my dept from when I was doing the PhD that wasn't (as in, that I never finished) and ended up looking at the people from my cohort who are now a. Drs and b. actually working in the field/universities. There's one in New Zealand and one on Ireland and one in California and on in South Africa and a heap working here in Scotland and... I should be pleased for them, they did the work, but really I just feel sad and defeated for me. At me. About me. About all those dreams I just never did. I feel old. I'm really not. But I feel it anyway.

Work has been stressful the last couple of weeks. I am one of two administrators and the other girl was off for two weeks with stress. It was going to be one day. Then a couple of days. Then a week. Then just a couple more days. Then two weeks. She's back now but I feel... ragged. I feel... hemmed in and there's too much to do and too much of a backlog and I can't quite get to grips with it. I'm past my probation though so - yey! - permanent job. I'm debating asking for Friday off just because I could do with some time to myself but I've social things on on Friday, Saturday and Sunday so I'm not sure that it would work out. I'm just so tired. And yet I slept a full eight hours yesterday and I was still totally shattered.

I need to work out how to get energy. Where does energy come from? I feel if I could get energy I could start cracking on fixing things. I would eat better because I would have the energy to prepare better meals. I would be able to see more people because I wouldn't beg off tired. My brain would work and I could write stories and do crafts and make toys for Mr Long Legged (my sister's baby apparently looks like he has long legs on the ultrasound). I could just do more, if I had more energy. Any idea how you go about developing energy?



aryas_zehral: Close crop of Chiana's mouth, slightly open as if worried/breathless (Default)

July 2016

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